Miner bird

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Description

Scantily clad in little more than a slinky tube dress and a pair of fishnet stockings, this young lady is a gold digger in every sense of the word. By day, she slogs away in the mine trying to strike it rich. By night, she dresses up in her finest finery and tries to strike it lucky with some of the older and well-to-do male members of the mining community. You're not sure which one she's preparing to do just now but she doesn't seem to want you there.

Suddenly and without warning she produces a pickaxe. You really don't want to know where she was hiding that.

Opponent Level Information

Opponent Level:

Power Level:

Attack Rating:

Defence Rating:

Scaling

• Does this opponent scale to you? No
• Subpoints Gain: Does this scale with player stats? No
• Opponent Level: Does this scale with player stats? No
• HP: Does this scale with player stats? No
• Elemental Damage Reduction: Y/N? If So What Kind
• Elemental Weakness: Y/N? If So What Kind
• Physical Resistance: Y/N?

Combat Messages

Initiative Message(s):

• Nonplussed and unimpressed by the revealment of her concealment, you get the jump.
• While you're busy marvelling at the size of her large, firm, heaving... pickaxe, they get the jump.

Successful Attack(s):

• You receive a pickaxe in the ankle for X DAMAGE. You respond by donating blood.
• She perches on your chest and pecks at your eyes. Of course by "perches" we mean "jumps" and by "pecks" we mean "scratches the hell out of". You take X DAMAGE. And by "X DAMAGE" we mean, well, "X DAMAGE"!
• She digs you, and not in a good way, for X DAMAGE!

Failed Attack(s):

• The skank goes rank and rushes towards you, but her false leg comes off, and she ends up just hopping around in a circle, which is hilarious but not terribly dangerous.
• Your opponent commences what seems sure to be a terrific attack, and you plan to let her finish, but first you have to tell her about another attack that was the greatest attack of all time. Of all time! She loses interest.
• She rakes her nails across your chest, but only lightly. Oooh, that tickles!

Location(s)

• Mine Camp F

Rewards

• miner's helmet
• tube dress
• fishnet stockings
• short-handled pickaxe
• You gain 54-82 moolah

Stats:

• You gain XX brawn
• You gain XX brains
• You gain XX bravado

References

• Gold digger literally refers to one who digs for gold. It also refers to a woman who uses a wealthy man for his money. The description states "this young lady is a gold digger in every sense of the word".
• "...you plan to let her finish..." This line references Kanye West's storming of the stage during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, where he informed the world that, "Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!"
• '...and rushes towards you, but her false leg comes off' refers to Heather Mills, an ex-wife of Paul McCartney. Tabloids often portray her as a gold digger. While appearing on Dancing on Ice, her false leg fell off during her routine.