Special Delivery

Singing Telegram

"Mi mi mi mi mi"
Just as you were starting to think there were voices in your head you notice a young man dressed in a rather natty bellhop-style uniform. He moves to stand in a variety of different spots and sings different pitched notes as though he was a choir all on his own.
"This could be interesting." you think to yourself while you watch him warming up the ensemble of one.
Eventually he steps forward and asks, "Are you <Gift Receiver's Name>?"
"Uh huh," you reply, somewhat skeptically.
"Good. Great. Terrific. We've got a delivery for you from <Gift Sender's Name>!" he says as he steps back into the non-existent group and quietly counts to four.
It's a sight to behold as the "choir" starts to sing. The man moves furiously around to different positions and interestingly enough delivers a reasonable performance. It takes you a little while to figure out the song, because you've heard "Baby got back" before, but you've never heard it sung with four part harmony, and feeling. Especially not by a choir of one.
When he's finished singing, he steps forward again and reads a message to you.

"<Gift Senders Message>"

He then hands you something, before wandering off singing happily to himself. What an odd little man. Nice voices, but odd.

Angiogram

You're wandering about, minding your own business, when seemingly out of nowhere leaps a guy dressed up in a fluffy, yet disturbingly realistic, heart suit.
"HEART ATTACK!!!!" he yells as he lunges towards you. Then he abruptly stops.
"Are you <Gift Receiver's Name>?" He takes your stunned silence as a response for the affirmative and continues, "I've got a delivery here for you! A special one, from someone called <Gift Sender's Name>.
Without waiting for a reaction, he continues on to read the following message from a card in his hand:

"<Gift Sender's Message>"

" As soon as he's done, he shoves something in your hands and bounds off into the distance.

Male Stripper

You're on your way to do whatever it was that you decided to do next when you hear a strange sound behind you. You turn around and see a guy dressed up as a police officer, carrying a stereo and trying to make the sound of a siren.
"Woooooooooooooooooo! Woooooooooooooooooo! Woooooooooooooooooo!"
Once he realises he has your attention he starts shouting, "Pull over! Pull over!"
You point out to him that you're not actually currently driving any kind of vehicle but this doesn't seem to deter him.
"<Gift Receiver's Name>" he says with an air of slightly-effeminate authority, "I've got a warrant here to arrest you for theft!"
You look at him completely puzzled. "What for?" you ask, "I haven't stolen anything."
"Well, I only have your word for that! I have a witness statement from <Gift Sender's Name> saying that you have stolen their heart."
With this, he presses play on the stereo and Donna Summers' "Hot Stuff" begins to blare. The police officer begins to dance and remove his clothes and just as you are wondering whether or not he will go the full monty, he stops abruptly to read a card he is holding.

"<Gift Sender's Message>"

Once he's done reading, he picks up his clothes and his stereo and wanders off. Oookay, that was weird. While you're wondering what happened to being arrested, you notice something on the ground and go to pick it up.

Gorillagram

You suddenly hear rapid and uneven footfalls racing up behind you! Quickly you turn around and think to yourself, "Wow, there's something you don't see every day," as you lay eyes on a guy in a really unconvincing pink gorilla suit, trying to run like a gorilla would. On all fours. Woah! When he catches up with you he stops and tries to stand up. He staggers a bit, and for a few seconds he looks like he's about to pass out.
"I tell ya <Gift Receiver's Name>... it is <Gift Receiver's Name>, right?" You nod. He continues, "It's hot enough in one of these suits as it is without actually trying to behave like a gorilla. Damn! I got something here for you from..." he looks at the card in his hand, "someone called <Gift Sender's Name>. Just *wheeze* hold on a second while I try to catch my breath."
You decide that this guy seems to have gone to a lot of effort to ape a gorilla. It seems a little odd, considering the fact the gorilla suit is pink. You're not sure exactly what you're waiting for but you figure he deserves a chance.
When he seems to have composed himself he takes a piece of paper from his pocket and begins to read.

"<Gift Senders Message>"

When he's finished reading he says, "Oh, and this is for you. Now I'm just going to wander off and leave you to it. If anyone asks, do me a favour and tell them I left on all fours, OK?" Again you nod and he staggers off. Poor guy.

Marilyn Monrogram

Having decided to head off on another exciting adventure, you are preparing yourself to expect the unexpected.
You don't get a great deal of preparation done, however, when you notice a rather attractive blonde standing nearby.
Even though there appears to be no wind around she seems to be having some difficulty keeping her dress below her waistline.
"Hi Sweetie," she calls, "I've got something here for you from <Gift Sender's Name>!" She begins to sing,
"Happy Valentine's to you.
Happy Valentine's to you.
Happy Valentine's dear <Gift Receiver's Name>.
Happy Valentine's to you."
Once she has finished singing, she produces a card and reads:

"<Gift Sender's Message>"

Upon completing the message, she kisses you softly on the cheek and gives you something.

Female Stripper

You suddenly see a young lady in a nurses outfit, trying to catch up to you. When she does she explains, slightly breathlessly, that she has been busy nursing a patient who has been fighting hard to overcome a very serious condition.
You feel a bit concerned, and ask who this person is and if there is anything you can do to help. She says, "Well, the person's name is <Gift Senders Name>. It's awful, I just don't think I have the pills to cure those ills!"
"Oh no! That's terrible!" you exclaim, "Can you tell me what the illness is?"
You suddenly get the feeling that you were supposed to ask that question because the nurse immediately replies, "A bad case of lovin' you!" She then starts to dance and seductively remove her clothing to the song of the same name.
Just as you overcome your worry for your friend and start to enjoy the show, she stops and reads a message.

"<Gift Senders Message>"

She then hands you something and dashes off without bothering to get dressed.

Land Shark

"Dun dun. Dun dun. Dun dun."

After freaking out for a moment, afraid that your boat might not be big enough, you remember that you don't actually have a boat and spin around to see a guy dressed in a shark suit following you.

"Who are you?" you ask.

"Plumber. Er...candygram. I mean...telegram. Are you <Gift Reciever's Name>?" he asks.

"If I say yes, are you going to dance?"

"Well, that's what I was paid to do... but if you'd rather I didn't..." he replies.

"I'd definitely rather you didn't," you say.

"How do you feel about singing?" he asks.

"Not really a fan, thanks."

"Can I bite your head off then," he asks out of the blue. You stare at him.

"Oh. Then I guess I'll just read this message from <Gift Sender's Name>. How's that?"

"That'll work," you reply.

"<Gift Sender's Message>"

"Oh, and there's a gift too." You take the gift, and shake your head as the guy walks away. Damn land sharks.

Location(s)

• Adventuring in any location wherein someone has sent you a Valentine from Florist Gump.

"Standard" Rewards

• You gain 1 anniversary card

or

• You gain 1 birthday card

or

• You gain 1 single red rose

or

• You gain 1 relatively personalized keychain

or

• You gain 1 box of "Life" chocolates

or

• You gain 1 smiley-face balloon

or

• You gain 1 potted violets

or

• You gain 1 gift-wrapped bottle of fine wine

or

• You gain 1 STD bouquet

or

• You gain 1 Over-The-Hill gift ensemble

"Seasonal" Rewards

• You gain 1 lollipop

or

• You gain 1 multi-stemmed rose

or

• You gain 1 balloon... on a steek

or

• You gain 1 sexy teddy

or

• You gain 1 Valentine's Day card

or

• You gain 1 Valentine's soap-on-a-rope

or

• You gain 1 heart-shaped box of chocolates

or

• You gain 1 Valentine's traveler's mug

or

• You gain 1 Valentwine (TM)

Notes

• Adventure will not occur in Games of Skill.
• Receiving a gift does not consume a turn.
• The gift received is not random. The sender chooses which gift to send the recipient.
• Seasonal Items can only be sent on Valentine's Day
• Angiogram is a seasonal delivery.

References

• "Baby got Back sung with four part harmony" is a reference to the cover[1]by Jonathan Coulton
• "A bad case of lovin' you!" is a song by Robert Palmer.
• "You're gonna need a bigger boat" is an often repeated line from Jaws.
• The landshark is from the early years of Saturday Night Live where is was an ongoing skit about a shark which lived on land and would gain entry into people's homes by claiming to have a candygram or something similar.

See Also

• Florist Gump