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Cinema Seven - The Horrovision Experience! (view source)

Revision as of 22:59, 31 October 2009

206 bytes added ,  22:59, 31 October 2009
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<center>'''Get The Military Involved'''</center>
 
<center>'''Get The Military Involved'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Make A Special Connection With That Special Someone'''</center>
 
<center>'''Make A Special Connection With That Special Someone'''</center>
 +
Amidst all the carnage, you feel your oats like never before and choose to act on them. Too bad you forgot the first rule of horror movies, noob. Then again, I don't know that I'd really call this a horror movie. It seems more like a suspenseful thriller, don't you think? And as we all know, people can get busy all they want to in suspenseful thrillers and still manage to survive, so get 'er done.
 +
 +
The scene shifts.
    
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
 
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
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'''If you picked Make a Special Connection with That Special Someone'''
 
'''If you picked Make a Special Connection with That Special Someone'''
−
  −
Amidst all the carnage, you feel your oats like never before and choose to act on them. Too bad you forgot the first rule of horror movies, noob. Then again, I don't know that I'd really call this a horror movie. It seems more like a suspenseful thriller, don't you think? And as we all know, people can get busy all they want to in suspenseful thrillers and still manage to survive, so get 'er done.
  −
  −
The scene shifts.
      
The wind is howling outside. The shutters on your windows bang loudly. Did you leave those open? As you walk over to close them, you hear a creaking <b>''you must be hungry noise''</b> coming from upstairs. Suddenly, the lights flicker off and back on. Then your cell phone rings.
 
The wind is howling outside. The shutters on your windows bang loudly. Did you leave those open? As you walk over to close them, you hear a creaking <b>''you must be hungry noise''</b> coming from upstairs. Suddenly, the lights flicker off and back on. Then your cell phone rings.
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<center>'''Drop The Phone In A Handy Vat Of Sulfuric Acid'''</center>
 
<center>'''Drop The Phone In A Handy Vat Of Sulfuric Acid'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Answer The Phone'''</center>
 
<center>'''Answer The Phone'''</center>
 +
Despite the fact that you're certain that the person on the other end of the line is going to ask you what your favorite scary movie is or tell you that you have a week to live, you answer the phone anyway.
   −
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
+
Surprisingly enough, it's actually a telemarketer calling to inform you that you've just won a cruise to some obscure island off the coast of a war-torn country, but in order to collect the "prize", you have to subscribe to 30 different magazines that you've never even heard of.
   −
== Scene 3 ==
+
This pisses you off so much that you march down to the local calling center to give them a piece of your mind.
−
'''If you picked Drop The Phone In A Handy Vat Of Sulfuric Acid'''
      +
While you're gone, the killer that WAS in your house accidentally blows the whole place to pieces... while he's still inside. It sucks that your house is now a burning pile of rubble but hey, at least you're alive, right?
   −
'''If you picked Answer The Phone'''
+
The scene shifts.
   −
Despite the fact that you're certain that the person on the other end of the line is going to ask you what your favorite scary movie is or tell you that you have a week to live, you answer the phone anyway.
     −
Surprisingly enough, it's actually a telemarketer calling to inform you that you've just won a cruise to some obscure island off the coast of a war-torn country, but in order to collect the "prize", you have to subscribe to 30 different magazines that you've never even heard of.
+
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
   −
This pisses you off so much that you march down to the local calling center to give them a piece of your mind.
+
== Scene 3 ==
 +
'''If you picked Drop The Phone In A Handy Vat Of Sulfuric Acid'''
   −
While you're gone, the killer that WAS in your house accidentally blows the whole place to pieces... while he's still inside. It sucks that your house is now a burning pile of rubble but hey, at least you're alive, right?
     −
The scene shifts.
+
'''If you picked Answer The Phone'''
    
You relax in your favorite armchair, listening to the local radio station when a news bulletin interrupts your favorite show. According to the report, a maniac serial killer, armed with a semi-automatic weapon, has escaped from the nearby asylum. As the reporter details the gruesome slayings occurring in the vicinity, the ever-increasing volume of the eerie music being broadcast behind the report begins to creep you out.
 
You relax in your favorite armchair, listening to the local radio station when a news bulletin interrupts your favorite show. According to the report, a maniac serial killer, armed with a semi-automatic weapon, has escaped from the nearby asylum. As the reporter details the gruesome slayings occurring in the vicinity, the ever-increasing volume of the eerie music being broadcast behind the report begins to creep you out.
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<center>'''Ignore The Intense Music'''</center>
 
<center>'''Ignore The Intense Music'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Heed The Intense Music'''</center>
 
<center>'''Heed The Intense Music'''</center>
 +
Despite the fact that you're certain that the person on the other end of the line is going to ask you what your favorite scary movie is or tell you that you have a week to live, you answer the phone anyway.
   −
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
+
Surprisingly enough, it's actually a telemarketer calling to inform you that you've just won a cruise to some obscure island off the coast of a war-torn country, but in order to collect the "prize", you have to subscribe to 30 different magazines that you've never even heard of.
   −
== Scene 4 ==
+
This pisses you off so much that you march down to the local calling center to give them a piece of your mind.
−
'''If you picked Ignore The Intense Music'''
     −
'''If you picked Heed The Intense Music'''
+
While you're gone, the killer that WAS in your house accidentally blows the whole place to pieces... while he's still inside. It sucks that your house is now a burning pile of rubble but hey, at least you're alive, right?
   −
You've got the be the first person to ever actually (or is it "actually ever"? Meh.) notice that an impressive crescendo of ominous music might mean that something bad is about to happen.
+
The scene shifts.
   −
Unfortunately, your response isn't quite so impressive.
     −
You run down the stairs, and trip over your own feet, which sends you rolling down the stairs. However, by the time you reach the bottom, you've built up enough momentum to break down the front door and roll out into the front yard.
+
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
   −
You get up and run to the police station. Despite the fact that the station is like, 10 miles away, you still get there within 30 seconds.
+
== Scene 4 ==
 +
'''If you picked Ignore The Intense Music'''
   −
The scene shifts.
+
'''If you picked Heed The Intense Music'''
    
The frat party is pretty much over by now. You and your broheim are mellaxing amidst the debris of "Chi Omega's Totally Tubular Toga Par-T", when you both hear a strange sound from somewhere nearby in the house.
 
The frat party is pretty much over by now. You and your broheim are mellaxing amidst the debris of "Chi Omega's Totally Tubular Toga Par-T", when you both hear a strange sound from somewhere nearby in the house.
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<center>'''Have A 'Dude Moment' '''</center>
 
<center>'''Have A 'Dude Moment' '''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Pass It Off As The Wind'''</center>
 
<center>'''Pass It Off As The Wind'''</center>
 +
You look at your friend and say, "I'm sorry, Shaun." He looks confused, but you start to giggle and let another one rip.
 +
 +
The stench is enough to detract any would-be murderers (and girls) from coming within a 3-mile radius of the frat house. They call the wind Pariah.
 +
 +
The scene shifts.
    
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
 
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
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'''If you picked Pass It Off As The Wind'''
 
'''If you picked Pass It Off As The Wind'''
−
  −
You look at your friend and say, "I'm sorry, Shaun." He looks confused, but you start to giggle and let another one rip.
  −
  −
The stench is enough to detract any would-be murderers (and girls) from coming within a 3-mile radius of the frat house. They call the wind Pariah.
  −
  −
The scene shifts.
      
You're driving down the road in the middle of the night, and come up to a stop sign.
 
You're driving down the road in the middle of the night, and come up to a stop sign.
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<center>'''Ask For Directions'''</center>
 
<center>'''Ask For Directions'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Drive Aimlessly'''</center>
 
<center>'''Drive Aimlessly'''</center>
 +
You drive around for hours until you eventually run out of gas. Fortunately, you roll to a stop in front of the local constabulary. You describe the events of the past few hours to the cops, who laugh at you and call you a lunatic. But hey, at least you survived.
 +
 +
The scene shifts.
    
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
 
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
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'''If you picked Drive Aimlessly'''
 
'''If you picked Drive Aimlessly'''
−
  −
You drive around for hours until you eventually run out of gas. Fortunately, you roll to a stop in front of the local constabulary. You describe the events of the past few hours to the cops, who laugh at you and call you a lunatic. But hey, at least you survived.
  −
  −
The scene shifts.
      
You're now standing outside a giant cathedral, dressed in leather pants and a funny hat. You look up and take notice of how bright and full the moon is <b>''don't some Dixon NutZ sound good?''</b> when you hear a loud howl!
 
You're now standing outside a giant cathedral, dressed in leather pants and a funny hat. You look up and take notice of how bright and full the moon is <b>''don't some Dixon NutZ sound good?''</b> when you hear a loud howl!
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<center>'''Stand Incredibly Still'''</center>
 
<center>'''Stand Incredibly Still'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Review Your Last Will And Testament'''</center>
 
<center>'''Review Your Last Will And Testament'''</center>
 +
The best defense is a good offense, so to the werewolf you leave your entire, vast BOOT TO THE HEAD. And one for the wimp. Good thing you were wearing silver-tipped boots.
 +
 +
As the werewolf dies, he transforms back into his human shape and a torn shirt appears on his body. You spend a few minutes trying to figure out where the shirt came from, but eventually give up and move on.
 +
 +
The scene shifts.
    
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
 
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
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'''If you picked Review Your Last Will And Testament'''
 
'''If you picked Review Your Last Will And Testament'''
−
  −
The best defense is a good offense, so to the werewolf you leave your entire, vast BOOT TO THE HEAD. And one for the wimp. Good thing you were wearing silver-tipped boots.
  −
  −
As the werewolf dies, he transforms back into his human shape and a torn shirt appears on his body. You spend a few minutes trying to figure out where the shirt came from, but eventually give up and move on.
  −
  −
The scene shifts.
      
You have just awakened in a more or less comfortable bed, and notice that the room is pitch black. Why does it always seem like the room is incredibly dark when you wake up in the middle of the night? Oh wait, that makes sense.
 
You have just awakened in a more or less comfortable bed, and notice that the room is pitch black. Why does it always seem like the room is incredibly dark when you wake up in the middle of the night? Oh wait, that makes sense.
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<center>'''Grab A Fleshlight And Investigate'''</center>
 
<center>'''Grab A Fleshlight And Investigate'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Try The Light Switch'''</center>
 
<center>'''Try The Light Switch'''</center>
 +
You flip the light switch, and the lights come on. Hmm. You run down the stairs, and don't fall down even once. Hmm again. <b>''knowledge is power''</b> You leave the house, and escape completely unscathed without having even seen the killer once. See? Sometimes the easiest solution is the right one.
 +
 +
The scene shifts.
    
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
 
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
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'''If you picked Try The Light Switch'''
 
'''If you picked Try The Light Switch'''
−
  −
You flip the light switch, and the lights come on. Hmm. You run down the stairs, and don't fall down even once. Hmm again. <b>''knowledge is power''</b> You leave the house, and escape completely unscathed without having even seen the killer once. See? Sometimes the easiest solution is the right one.
  −
  −
The scene shifts.
      
You're... on a spaceship... of... some sort. As per usual, you're surrounded by fuzzy purple aliens who want to either kill, maim, or probe you. Of course, none of these options sound too inviting, so you make a break for it.
 
You're... on a spaceship... of... some sort. As per usual, you're surrounded by fuzzy purple aliens who want to either kill, maim, or probe you. Of course, none of these options sound too inviting, so you make a break for it.
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<center>'''Go Back For The Cat'''</center>
 
<center>'''Go Back For The Cat'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Use The Escape Pod'''</center>
 
<center>'''Use The Escape Pod'''</center>
−
  −
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
  −
  −
== Scene 9 ==
  −
'''If you picked Go Back For The Cat'''
  −
  −
'''If you picked Use The Escape Pod'''
  −
   
You make a break for the escape pod, and push the "Go" button. It initializes, but during the final phase of the ejection process a red light comes on, and a soothing female voice says "Ejection failed."
 
You make a break for the escape pod, and push the "Go" button. It initializes, but during the final phase of the ejection process a red light comes on, and a soothing female voice says "Ejection failed."
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The scene shifts.
 
The scene shifts.
 +
 +
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
 +
 +
== Scene 9 ==
 +
'''If you picked Go Back For The Cat'''
 +
 +
'''If you picked Use The Escape Pod'''
    
Everything looks familiar for some reason. Then it hits you: you're in a sequel!
 
Everything looks familiar for some reason. Then it hits you: you're in a sequel!
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<center>'''Hide Under The Bed... Again'''</center>
 
<center>'''Hide Under The Bed... Again'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Dance A Jig'''</center>
 
<center>'''Dance A Jig'''</center>
 +
As a seaweed covered corpse enters the room, you take a page out of the book "Vaudeville: The Art Of Life", and start dancing like a damn fool. This confuses the killer, and you dance right out the door.
 +
 +
The scene shifts.
    
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
 
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
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'''If you picked Dance A Jig'''
 
'''If you picked Dance A Jig'''
−
  −
As a seaweed covered corpse enters the room, you take a page out of the book "Vaudeville: The Art Of Life", and start dancing like a damn fool. This confuses the killer, and you dance right out the door.
  −
  −
The scene shifts.
      
You find yourself standing in a store <b>''Dodgitech is GOOD''</b> that obviously caters to those with tastes geared toward Rattan. A man in a football helmet is standing at the front of the store, wielding a weed-eater as a deadly weapon.
 
You find yourself standing in a store <b>''Dodgitech is GOOD''</b> that obviously caters to those with tastes geared toward Rattan. A man in a football helmet is standing at the front of the store, wielding a weed-eater as a deadly weapon.
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<center>'''Develop A Grudge'''</center>
 
<center>'''Develop A Grudge'''</center>
 +
    
<center>'''Amble Slowly And Carefully Away'''</center>
 
<center>'''Amble Slowly And Carefully Away'''</center>
 +
You decide that since that lunatic's probably sporting some pretty nasty fractures all over his body, he's not gonna be able to chase you down, and so just walk away, watching to be sure you don't do something stupid like trip over a basket.
 +
 +
But really, you should already know what's going to happen next.
 +
 +
You look over your shoulder just in time to see the guy rushing toward you. You step to your left, and he runs smack into a telephone pole. You beat him profusely with the weed-eater to make sure he's not getting back up, and continue on your way.
 +
 +
The scene shifts.
    
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
 
<center>'''Head For The Car'''</center>
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'''If you picked Amble Slowly And Carefully Away'''
 
'''If you picked Amble Slowly And Carefully Away'''
−
  −
You decide that since that lunatic's probably sporting some pretty nasty fractures all over his body, he's not gonna be able to chase you down, and so just walk away, watching to be sure you don't do something stupid like trip over a basket.
  −
  −
But really, you should already know what's going to happen next.
  −
  −
You look over your shoulder just in time to see the guy rushing toward you. You step to your left, and he runs smack into a telephone pole. You beat him profusely with the weed-eater to make sure he's not getting back up, and continue on your way.
  −
  −
The scene shifts.
      
You're standing in... oh, you're back in the cinema. Apparently the show is over.
 
You're standing in... oh, you're back in the cinema. Apparently the show is over.
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