Talk:Wessonian Museum
These are pages i got from the Wessonian Museum while adventuring with the "Pretty Much Lost" effect:
Amazingly enough, you find yourself in a dark room void of pretty much everything except a case containing a staggering number of leather-bound books and what appears to be a control console.
A placard on the wall reads, "Wessonian Institute Scanning Project - The Encyclopedia Paradoxica - Status: In Progress"
You make your way to the console. You flip the switch labeled "ON" and a projector comes to life, illuminating a section of the wall in a white square. The only other control on the console is a button labelled "Random Page". You press the button and the following words appear on the wall:
"Who... are you?" asked one of the group-members.
"The name's Father Dominic, and I'm going around all of Paradox delivering gifts to all the children," he replied.
"But you killed Larry," another member stated, as indignantly as one in their current situation could, "And you broke Kenny's arm, you bastard!"
"Oh yeah, sorry about that. Hazards of the industry and all that, you know. Care for a slinky? It's like a spring that you can push down stairs and other fun stuff like that." This got no response from the group. "Oh yeah, your friend. Look, I said I'm sorry. What do you expect me to do? Raise him from the dead?"
They all stared at him dumbfoundedly, as one would expect from someone who has just witnessed a third-degree homicide.
"Damn it people," he huffed. "I'm a toy-deliverer, not a doctor."
And with that, he picked up his sack, slung it over his donkeys back again, and flew away, shouting "Chingedy-ching!" as he disappeared into the evening sky.
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The large man floated down from the sky to investigate, his head bobbing back and forth to the tune of some music that apparently only he could hear.
"Chingedy-ching!" he exclaimed upon seeing the devastation his sack had caused.
Everyone backed away as he approached the body, expecting to see something miraculous. Instead, the man just turned around to face them and said, "Well hey, at least he went quickly, right? Hey, does anyone here have a cookie? I've been flying all night, and boy are my arms killing me. A cookie would sure hit the spot right about now."
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So it was that, two years after he first began, St. Racine was in prison for 26 counts of alleged manslaughter and destruction of public property despite his claims that he had given the Groklinite as gifts to the children, who then burned down the orphanage in a fit of rage.
His troupe of helpers again gathered around the monument to collect all of the items that had been left by the mourners. As they were going around distributing the items to orphans they heard laughter coming from above them. They looked up to spot a large man wearing the traditional fuzzy red garb of an Agassian monk, followed by a flying donkey with a large sack on its back.
All of a sudden, the sack slipped off the donkeys back and fell on one of the men, crushing him to death instantly.
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In a year that had seen dramatic changes to the level of technology in Paradox City, the continued "proof" of the existence of Father Yule seemed to fly in the face of science.
According to professor William H. Kanundrum, Dean of Questionable Sciences at Paradox University, "It is not unusual for people to wish to believe in the impossible. One man, flying around on a donkey and delivering toys to all the good little boys and girls? Not bloody likely. Parents should consider the damage they are doing to the psyches of their children by fostering these beliefs."
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In the year 1 AD, in the aftermath of the events which transpired one year earlier, the people gathered around the monument in the middle of Paradox City to mourn the Great Disappearance.
Many of them brought items, including prepared foods, to the base of the monument to pay homage.
Since the people had long since forgotten what the monument was, many schools of thought sprang up, postulating their various opinions of what it had been. The members of these factions carved out symbols onto small stones depicting their belief, which they then also laid at the base of the monument.
A high-standing member of one of these factions, an Agassian saint named
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When asked about the millions of reports of anonymous gifts found beneath Yule Trees again this year, Kanundrum merely stated, "Heresay. I've only ever gotten Groklinite."
Despite his arguments, and the unfortunate noxious gas poisoning incident at the now-infamous Muletide Greetings Holiday Shop, people continued to fill department stores to the brim, trying to force their way into the outrageously long lines to have their children's pictures taken with the Father Yules which seemed to almost outnumber the customers.
miracle that, of those participating in the initial trials earlier in the year, most men were still alive and all the women had survived.
The first mid-year deployment of the drug by DT Pharmaceuticals was met by less than enthusiastic acceptance from the public. By Yuletime, however, sales of the pill were brisk and the nation was experiencing a massive decline in crime and an amazing new openness in the halls of government. Total uniformity and honesty had become the watchword in Paradox.
Father Yule continued to refuse to make his annual visit due to the ongoing legal action centering on over four million counts of breaking and entering.
As the end of the year approached, fears of evolutionary loss of our eyes and teeth seemed to have been unfounded.
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You reach to press the button again when a Wessonian Museum security guard rushes your way, tripping over an ottoman in the process. He picks himself up, straightens his uniform and ushers you out, explaining that this room is not open to the general public. You really don't want to bear the brunt (or should that be brant) of a whack from his heavy-looking flashlight, so you should probably leg it. Pronto.
Notes
- There is a chance to get a monoglyph from any of the adventures.
- The name of the place we adventure is the Wessonian Museum Library