Bear bum bum-battering bat

You don't actually want to think about the original purpose of this... thing. It looks just perfect for hitting stuff really hard – let's leave it at that.

Type: weapon (Melee)
Class: Club
Hands: 2
Attack: 15
Cost of TP on use: N/A
Damage Type: Physical
Autosell value: 30

Cannot be be discarded
Can be be autosold
Can be be stored
Can be be traded

Outfit name: N/A

Plural: bear bum bum-battering bats
Bonus: N/A

Obtained From

• The Long Wood
  • Bear bum

When Used In Combat

Successful Attack(s):

• You barbarically bat them in the bum (or bum-equivalent) for X damage.
• You blow, blow, blow him down and gently hear him scream; merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily because of the X damage you just dealt.
• Step one: Hit it! Step two: ???? Step three: Pain! – equivalent to X damage, to be exact!

Missed Attack(s):

• You try to batter your opponent's bum, but he/she just won't be battered like that.
• Step one: Cut a hole in the bat. No wait, that's not right. While you're repairing the hole you just made, you lose your opportunity to hit your opponent.

Fumble Message(s):

• Your heavy bear bum bum battering bat falls out of your weak grip and bruises your toes for X damage.

References

• One of the attack messages is a reference to the song "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
• Step one: Hit it! Step two: ???? Step three: Pain! is a reference to the South Park Underpants Gnomes business plan which is Phase 1: Collect Underpants,Phase 2: ?, Phase 3: Profit!

Collection

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